Dear friends and family,
Today we are burying my beloved husband,my best friend, the
father of my children, a dear son and brother and our brother in Christ. God had
given us 35 years of truly blissful, happy years of marriage together . We often
said to each other, “God is so good to us, we are so blessed and happy; 3
amazing children who all married in the Lord, a job that he joyfully went to
every morning, good health for both of us, financial stability, a nice home, car
etc. We knew that we did not deserve these blessings and thanked God often for
his graciousness to us.
But, as so often happens when life is smooth sailing, my
spiritual life began to wane and I became luke warm, personal devotions started
slipping, I said my prayers but didn’t really pray. I would often think about
the text, “whom the Lord loves, he chastens” and thought, “Is that what it’s
going to take Lane?” “why cant you be on fire for the Lord and have a close
relationship with him when He is so good for you? “Could it be that the Lord
doesn’t love me then?”
But, praise be to God, He did love me, He wanted me to come
back to Him, to have a closer relationship with Him, to walk daily in dependence
upon Him, so, in His love, four years ago, He set us before our Jordan river,
ALS. Those first few days and weeks of getting the diagnosis of this dreadful
disease were so shocking and so difficult. It wasn’t until a few weeks later
when we were at our trailer with our son and his family, that the full
implications of what we were losing, sunk in and the flood gates burst forth as
we clung to each other and sobbed and wailed out our grief and sadness.
We knew where we had to go with our brokenness, who it was who
alone could carry us through this difficult Jordan river crossing that lay ahead
of us. And that was when God began to draw us closer to
Himself.
The first year, the deterioration went very quickly, first
losing fine motor skills, then his walking was halting and awkward, then his
speech began to slur and Jack told us that he wouldn’t see Christmas. We all
hesitantly thought he might be right. But our ways are not God’s ways and He had
something else planned; Jack wasn’t going to get away that easy! The real
pruning and cutting was just beginning.
I was the devoted, loving wife through that first year,
patiently and kindly cutting his meat for him, holding his arm while he walked,
doing up his buttons, putting on his shoes and tying his tie. But that was in
the beginning when it was still easy to be patient and kind and we could
still talk and laugh together.
Christmas came and went and the deterioration continued until
he had lost everything, until all he could do was blink and smile.
Ah, yes, that smile that lit up his whole face. I still can’t
figure that one out because ALS affects only the voluntary muscles and smiling
definitely uses voluntary muscles. I think that was God’s gift to us and any
visitors that came to see him. Everyone commented on that smile, which I
suppose, was a witness in itself; to be able to smile still under such
circumstances could only be because he had a secret; a secret which he had
already told everyone! He never was good at keeping secrets!
The last 2-3 years were definitely the most difficult for both
of us. The loss of all his functions was not easy but the greatest loss of
all, which proved to be the most challenging, frustrating and sad was the loss
of his speech. If there’s one thing Jack excelled at, it was communicating. He
was an open book who loved to talk with people. He would strike up a
conversation with total strangers at the coffee shop, the gas station, in line
at Costco, anywhere! And before you knew it he’d know their whole life story.
When we had visitors over, I was always happy to just listen and let Jack do all
the talking, (especially when we had house visitation) . Now
things were different, the Lord closed Jacks lips permanently and I had to come
out of my comfort zone and do all of the talking.
The most trials we both had were due to the frustration of
losing this communication. A husband and wifes relationship needs communication
to fluorish; it is the most important thing in a marriage. when you share things
together it draws you closer to each other and as we lost that, our
relationship began to change as well. I was doing all the giving and he could
give nothing in return which must have been the most frustrating part of all for
him because he was a very giving man; always serving me and helping around the
house, giving me the biggest piece of dessert, always trying to make my life
special, spoiling me. And now he was locked in his body with only his thoughts.
He could slowly spell out his immediate need in one or two words but I never
really knew how he was feeling, what was going on inside, which I so desperately
wanted him to share with me. Now it was my turn to give to him.
And what a self revelation it has turned out to be. I found
out who and what I was in my own strength. I was definitely not patting myself
on the back anymore. I prayed every morning for much needed patience above all,
for kindness, for love and for the physical strength needed but every day I
failed miserably . Yet God continued to love me and uphold me and strengthen me.
I saw more clearly the true meaning of Grace; Gods goodness and mercy shown to
totally undeserving sinners.
In Philippians 4:13 Paul says, “I can do all things through
Christ who strengthens me” and I must say that I could only endure these last 4
years because Christ did strengthen me. Paul continues in verse 14, “Yet it was
kind of you to share my trouble”. That is something that I want to echo now. The
load was made bearable because it was shared by so many. We experienced what it
means to belong to the body of Christ. Words cannot adequately express our
appreciation and thankfulness for your outpouring of love to us in these last 4
years. Your cards and comments on the blog meant so much to
us, the baked goods and meals were such a help. The faithfully regular visits
were the highlight of my week. You helped with relief care, with physio therapy,
with mouth care. You took me out for a coffee, or out to lunch so that I could have a break from it all. Thank you for loving and supporting our
children with meals and cards and child care. You did the yard work and snow
shovelling which freed me up to spend more time caring for Jack. You came and
sang and played instruments for us, uplifting our spirits. All these seemingly
little things to you were very big to us. I want to thank the pastors and
elders who gave us spiritual comfort, read Scripture and
prayed with us regularly, at a time when we don’t have our own pastor.
Thank you all for your many prayers . It is so humbling to
think of the hundreds of people who have been praying for us for so long
already. Your prayers were answered, God sustained us through our Jordan river
crossing on dry ground and we give him all the praise and glory.
Thank you all for coming today and sharing in our bittersweet
grief.
The Lord gives and the Lord takes away; Blessed be the name of
the Lord.
