Does that mean that I never have doubts or fears? No it does not. I have my daily struggles like everyone. I am sad about losing my physical abilities and the fact that I am becoming more house bound. The days are long, and the nights are longer yet. The greatest loss is the ability to communicate and the frustration of being misunderstood. In group settings I quickly feel isolated as others talk and I am unable to participate.
My other problems right now are the leg cramps that keep me awake for most of the night. I usually fall asleep at 5 am. The other problem is choking on phlegm deep in my throat and struggling to cough it up. I break out in a sweat every time it happens.
God has been taking care of us through the love of His people in the form of meals, cards, calls, pastoral visits, emails, grass cutting, volunteers doing physiotherapy and watching over me in the night. I see these all as gifts from God, moving in His people like a host of angels.
I am never alone because Jesus Christ, my elder brother, sees me, watches over me, and prays for me 24/7. He never slumbers and never sleeps. He hears my cries and groans, and understands all my needs perfectly. He is the God-man who has been through it Himself. I talk to Him all the time. He is the Great Shepherd, and I try to follow Him through green pastures, dark valleys and and up the steep narrow pathways, because the end of the journey is peace and safety with Him.